Fear & Pregnancy

Fear & Pregnancy is absolutely no joke.

I am a little more than half-way through my pregnancy and I have about a handful of photos to show for it.  It’s normal to worry and be a little scared during pregnancy but I’ve officially unpacked my suitcase and Fear is my home now.  Exaggerating a bit you may say?  Hey! you sometimes can’t help how you feel.

If you are a reader of my blog you know that MJ is my “Rainbow Baby” (a rainbow baby is a baby that is born after a mis-carriage).  I was scared throughout my whole pregnancy with her but this time my Fear has just completely taken over.  I see other pregnant moms on Instagram showing off their baby bumps…and they look so happy yet here I am tapping my belly in hopes that I get a tiny kick back to let me know all is well inside there.  CRAZY I KNOW!!!

I know what you’re thinking… Anyone can mis-carry..I’m not the first nor the last that has/will experience it.  But once you do, you can’t help but carry the “WHAT IF…” feeling with you.  With MJ, I at least uploaded a weekly baby bump photo but this time around I have taken a total of 5 photos showing off my bump. My good friend Ashley asked me to get all dolled up to do my gender reveal photos and I honestly almost didn’t even go through with it.  I’m glad I did though, looking at them now I’m in “awe” of how cute my belly is and I’m almost sad that I haven’t taken more photos.

That’s when my FEAR kicks in…I stare at a photo and my brain immediately starts to work….& then the “WAIT, WHAT IF…”‘s start slowing rolling in. “What if I lose it?  What if I start to cramp up and that’ll be it…that’ll be exactly when I’ll lose it…Will this photo will be the last photo? “…It just goes on and on and on.

A few nights ago I woke up with major pain and I felt like I was going to pass out, I didn’t feel the baby move and I was rushed to the hospital, thankfully everything was ok and I was a little dehydrated.  But at that moment my brain took over and I thought the worst.  It’s kinda silly now that I look back at it.  And I say silly because I can’t control what is supposed or meant to happen.  If at that moment in the hospital I did lose the baby, there was probably nothing that I could have done to stop it, so why am I beating myself up for it?..and most importantly, why am I putting my poor husband through this?  Through this doubt that I keep feeding into myself?

I’m the one that keeps wondering WHAT IF? Therefore my brain just reacts to it…giving me tons of reasons to think something bad can happen.  If something bad is going to happen it’s going to happen if I’m  a NEGATIVE NANCY or a POSITIVE POLLY.  So I am here to tell all the scared, worrying, expecting mamas that its normal to be worried, its normal to want to take extra precaution while you are pregnant but to sit there and not want to move because you think if you bend over to pick something up its going to make you lose the baby….that is not normal.

Embrace your belly while it’s still there, take tons of pictures because even if things don’t work out at least you have some memories to look back to.  Worrying, fearfulness, anxiety…those are all normal in life…just don’t let them unpack and take residency in your life.

Here are some belly bump photos that came out absolutely perfect and made me think of how much I would have regretted not letting my friend capture them.

As always, Thanks for reading!